So this brings me to my most controversial rule, Rule 4: You Must Lie to Women.
Most guys believe, and most “game” advice states, that a man who is really in control should be able to do what he wants and let women know what he wants and they’ll be cool with it. ‘Cause he’s a man, he’s big pimpin’, he’s got tight game, and so if he wants to bang lots of broads he can come right out and say it and, voilà, the women will accept it.
If this is you, more powa’ to ya. Unfortunately, in my experience, shit just don’t work that way.
Socialization exists. We have to deal with it. That is, people are socialized to view certain behaviors in certain lights, and such socialization is very powerful. In our monogamous society, we are all socialized to view “couples,” and specifically heterosexual couples, as the norm. Polygamy is really, really frowned upon.
No matter how much a chick is in love with the studliest Alpha-male she’s ever met, she’s got all of her upbringing telling her that she is “special” and that she deserves a man who thinks she’s special too. Special enough that he will eschew all women other than her. But on the other hand, she’s got 3.5 billion years of evolution stating that she should find the guys that other women love.
So, we have a problem. On one hand her hindbrain is telling her to find a guy that other women love. On the other hand her neocortex tells her to find a loyal mate. What’s your solution: you lie.
Here’s the thing: what constitutes a “lie” to men is different than what constitutes a “lie” to women. Women fully expect an Alpha to be banging other women. They understand this at a gut level. They want it, in fact. However, their socialization runs counter to this. Therefore when you lie you are, in a way, doing women a big favor. And in reality it’s not just a favor, it’s a necessity.
Listen and listen closely to this, because once you understand it you will understand women at a level deeper than you ever thought possible:
It is not “immoral” to tell a woman that she is the only one in your life when in fact there are others. It is only immoral and blameworthy when you are so careless as to let her find out you are banging other women.
Here’s an example. Tiger Woods. Do you really think his wife didn’t realize at some level that he was banging other women? Ha. He banged dozens of other chicks during their marriage. Ain’t no way she didn’t know. But the shit didn’t hit the fan until some tabloid published his liaisons for all the world to see. That very night, the night that the tabloid came out on the stands, she chased him out of the house and bashed the shit out of his car while he was trying to drive away. Why? Not because he was banging other women, but because he was careless enough to let the damn thing get found out and shoved in front of her face and everyone else’s faces.
Here’s another example. Do you really think that Sandra Bullock didn’t realize her man Jesse James was banging other women? It wasn’t until she won an academy award and one of his catty other bitches tried to derail her happiness by blabbing about it in the papers that their marriage unraveled.
I’ll give you an example from my own life. (And I’m not calling myself an “Alpha” on par with these other guys, though I do have some Alpha traits.) I had a long-term girlfriend who came over once and found another woman’s pair of undies under my bed. She was livid. But what she said when she was yelling at me made me take note. She said, “I can’t believe you let me find those!” I can’t believe you let me find those. Not “I can’t believe you screwed some other chick.” She was upset that I cared so little about her that I didn’t bother covering up my tracks. She wasn’t (really) upset that I was banging another chick. I was Alpha enough in her eyes that she understood that I’d have other women in my life. She was upset that I showed her the disrespect of letting her find evidence of it. (And despite the drama she didn’t break up with me, by the way.)
So you see, “morality” for women is not about you being “faithful.” It’s about you caring enough to make her believe that she is special in your eyes. And that requires a lot of care. Enough care that you are willing to tell her she’s the only one in your life, when in fact she’s not and you both know it. Enough care that you are willing to go the extra mile to clean up any evidence of other women and convince her that she’s the only woman on your mind when you’re together.
Because deep down inside she doesn’t want to be the only woman in your life. Remember, women attract women. She wants to be part of your harem, hopefully your best girl. But deep down inside she wants to know that you are banging other women, yet care enough about her to never let her find out.
I remember listening to Tom Leykis years ago and he had a youngish woman on who was giving dating advice to men. Now, normally a woman’s dating advice to men is utterly worthless and it would be best to do exactly the opposite of what they recommend. But this woman had some advice that was so interesting that I remember it almost a decade later.
The woman said, “She wants to be your number one, not your only one.” That is, at a gut level the women in your life may want to be the most special woman in your harem, but they certainly don’t want to be the only woman in your harem. I’d never heard this before and never since. But it is the truth, and it’s a great way of putting it.
So, you must tell her she’s the only woman in your life to appease her socialization. You must bang other women to keep her interested in you at a gut level. To satisfy these conflicting drives, you must “lie” to women.
Here’s an aside: No woman will ever agree with the above stuff. Or very, very few. Why? Because when you ask women to analyze stuff, their neocortex — the socialized part of their brain — is the part that’s doing the talking. And in a patriarchal society, where men try to control women to a great degree, women have a much larger difference between their natural drives and their socialization than men do. That is to say, they have been socialized away from their natural instincts to a greater degree than men have.
So when you ask her about what I’ve said above, she will spout whatever she’s been socialized to spout. And she really does believe what she’s saying. Of course her actions will usually be entirely different. This is the reason men say “look at what she does, not what she says” if you want to understand what’s really going on.